Every day is long and unbearable. Having to socialize with anyone is excruciating. The thought of getting up in the morning and facing the world is sometimes too hard to deal with. I try to make myself happy. I try to be what people want me to be, but I always come up short. The person I love my most in my life doesn’t know that I have secrets to hide. If they ever found out it would devastated them. With that said I still continue to do selfish things that not only end up hurting myself, but could potentially hurt my love as well. I don’t know how to change. I feel like I am under the grip of something bigger and can’t break out. I have so much shame inside and I keep feeding it. I do not have the strength to change, or the ability to escape the temptation.
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